Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
