ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
