Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
