aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
