I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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