The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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