To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
