I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
