She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
