I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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