Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
