remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
