you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
