I think i peed on brittanys purse
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
