So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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