Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
