i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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