Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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