I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
