Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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