you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I would fuck him just for his dog
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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