No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
