He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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