It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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