Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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