bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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