She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
