Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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