I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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