dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
