i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
