she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
