We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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