I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
