i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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