I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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