Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
