Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
