i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
