He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You've changed since you got that strap on
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
