omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
