The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
