i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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