Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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