There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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