That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
