What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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