i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Terrible idea I love it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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