I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
