You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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