and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
