I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
